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Self-Help: Do women have it easier when dating?

This seems to be a question that pops up fairly often with single people I've met. They'll be a man telling me how lucky I am because women have dating so much easier. Or, they'll be a girl telling me how they wish they were queer because it would be easier. Or, a woman thinking that men have it easier.

Maybe that's just it? Maybe, it doesn't really work that way, not in the modern world where people are fitting less and less into these two narrow gender categories, By Rosa Fairfield. 

Hey, *waves my hands around*, I'm a single woman. I've been dating for a while now. In that time, I've had countless rejections from guys when I've admitted I like them. (Yes, women don't just wait around until someone picks them, I'm a person not a flower.) Maybe, with online dating, I do get a whole lot of matches but that doesn't make it easier. I don't want twenty partners, just the one is enough. So, I normally end up picking someone who I feel I've connected with. Most of the time, that hasn't really gone anywhere, though. It's mostly due to them rejecting me and occasionally me rejecting them because of really bad timing.

I've also had girlfriends who have been rejected, quite harshly, by guys. There are ones who have unrequited crushes and ones who are still single, even though they'd love a relationship. The same is true for some guys I've known. On the other hand, I've know girls who are amazing at dating, who are always in some long term relationship or another. I've known guys, and yes, average guys... short guys... guys that don't look like models, who have ended up in long term relationships without having to particularly try. So, yeah, if you're a guy and you don't see yourself as conventionally attractive, don't give up because you think women are only into 6 foot hunks. Sure, some women date like that but there are plenty of women, me included, who don't just go for guys who fit into the hunk category.


It partly depends on what your goal is too. If your aim is to get a 100 matches on Tinder a day, then your average girl will probably fair better than your average guy dating. If you're looking for a relationship and not just notches to add to your bed post, the playing field is a lot more tricky to navigate.

I also think that guys tend to go for the wrong girls. Almost all the guys who have asked me on dates, in public, have been much, much older than me. I don't see a guy who's twice my age as someone to date, I see him as a farther figure. They'd probably have much more luck if they connected with someone closer to their age.

So, I don't think it's as simple as one group of people having it easier, it's a mixed bag and your experiences with dating can easily effect your outlook on it. When you're been rejected a whole bunch of times, it makes you a lot less open to starting something with someone that is interested. You end up rejecting that person, irregardless of whether you like them or not, because you feel like you haven't been given any choice over who your partner could be.

Maybe it's just time to accept that they're aren't separate boats for men and women, we're in this together...