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Advice and LGBTQ+ : 10 Ways to Help if you are Questioning your Sexuality

If you're questioning your sexuality, here's some of advice that might help you, by Rosa Fairfield.

Photographs by David Smith

Platonic love is just as important
Sometimes, I think the world is way too obsessed with romantic love and if you don't experience romantic attraction that can be kinda isolating. But, even if you do, I think it's important that we all take a moment to acknowledge that all kinds of love and connections are important.

Listen, watch, read about people that inspire you from the LGBTQ+ community
This is a great way to reassure yourself that whatever you think you might identify as, that there are awesome people out there who also identify as that. When I was questioning my sexuality, I watched a lot of Kate McKinnon videos and it was really comforting for me.

Know that you don't have to label yourself
If you find a label that fits and want to use it, then great. At the same time, if you feel you don't 100% know or fit to any of the labels out there, then don't feel a pressure to use one. Just do what is right for you and don't feel like you have to explain yourself to people. Also, don't feel the need to find a conclusive answer... you might have a more fluid sexuality.

It's okay to change your mind
That's probably the wrong wording but it's actually quite common to think you're one thing at first and then realise you are actually another thing. You just have to hold your head up high and follow your truth for that current moment you are in and if people judge you for that, it's their problem not yours.

Know that it will get a lot easier
That first moment when you first say it out loud is the hardest but over time it gets easier and you will feel more comfortable. It just takes time and you have to be patient with yourself. Just know, if you're not ready to discuss it with someone yet, that's okay.

Try and listen to yourself
I mean sexual and romantic attraction is basically a bunch of intuitive bodily impulses, you either are or aren't something. Like your body either has reactions to one gender or multiple genders or it doesn't. You can't choose your sexuality but you can choose your actions. Therefore, I think it's about really listening and being in tune with your body and accepting that for what it is.

Lack of experience doesn't matter
There're a bunch a quizzes online to do with figure out your sexuality... and they're annoying because a lot of them base it off your past relationships. Sexuality doesn't really work in that way though and it's okay to identify with a label if you haven't actually had any practice/experience. Also, don't be worried about potential partners judging you for a lack of experience, if they do, then that's their problem.

Know that you are capable and can accept this
You are an awesome human being and it may be difficult but you can come through this because you are strong enough. I always think that life throws certain things at us because it knows we can come through them.

Know that romantic, physical and sexual attraction are different
They are different things and they don't always align. Plus, you can find someone nice to look at without having any romantic or sexual desire towards them. That's physical attraction. I think it's important to be able to distinguish the differences between them.

Know you don't have to be 100% something to identify with it
A lot of people tend to say... oh I'm like 95% gay or I'm bisexual but I'm 70:30 etc. Do what's right for you and don't feel that a label has to be 100% right for you to use it. Just go with your instincts and what comes naturally to you. Some people find it better to use a percentage and some people don't.